SO much on my mind lately. I've been thinking about the importance of sharing what I believe and what makes me happy, so I started a new blog. Not sure if anyone will read it, but I am doing it anyway.
Right now I am studying to teach the young women about faith. What does it mean to have faith in Christ is the title of the lesson. I've been thinking over it a lot, trying to go back a few (15... ahem) years and remember what it was like at that age. Changing from a kid, believe everything my parents said, into an adult... having to do it on my own. I've been reading Little Town on the Prairie with my children and we recently read a chapter about the Fourth of July, in which Laura comes to the realization that when you are a grown up, you have to choose right on your own. No Ma or Pa to reprimand you when you make mistakes. It has to be your doing. People must choose on their own to follow God's will, or not to. I think this is where faith comes in to play. If, during these formative years, we have a foundation of faith, it is easy to choose right.
As a teenager, I knew what I was supposed to do, but didn't always do it. I did some things because I knew they were wrong, and I had a little bit of rebellion to get through. There's a scripture in the New Testament that says,
"If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself (see John 7:17)." I guess I was testing it, but by not doing things to see if I'd feel different.
At 15, 16... even on to 18, I still didn't quite know if I wanted to ALWAYS have to choose the right. Or what would happen if I chose the not quite so right. I would go back and forth, being super good and slipping... until one day.
It was September. I had been in the slipping phase. My friend was an agent for several different bands (she was a really cool and super nice gal... and a great friend) and had taken me along with her to San Diego for some shows. We had a little time to kill on Saturday, so we decided to tour Old Town San Diego. We noticed a sign that said "Mormon Battalion Visitor's Center" so we headed that way. The visitor's center was nice (it's way cooler now!), but it wasn't that which changed me. As I entered the building, I had an overwhelming feeling that told me "GO ON A MISSION!" Yes, it yelled at my mind. Over and over and over. I had not really been thinking much about a mission, had been a bit lax in my obedience (nothing major, just minor things), but that moment changed my life forever. I had been praying about an entirely different matter... marriage, in fact. A handsome young gentleman that had been serving a mission was coming home soon and I wanted to know what God would have me do in regards to that. I don't know that I've ever felt God speak to me as strongly as He did that day. I knew in my heart that God had spoken to me, and I immediately asked forgiveness of my pettiness and started to prepare for the mission I would serve.
Because of that "2x4 over the head" moment, when little temptations came, it was easy to say no.
I felt like the people in the Book of Mormon after listening to King Benjamin. They had "a mighty change in [their] hearts, that [they] had no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually (see Mosiah 5:2)."
I know God speaks to us in different ways. That moment cemented the things I'd known all along but hadn't had the courage to follow. He gave me the strength to choose right, the desire to be good. I did serve a mission and I loved it. LOVED it. It was an incredibly difficult, trying, but wonderfully blessed 19 months. And because of that mission, I met some amazing people who later introduced me to the wonderful man I married. (Sorry, other guy. You were good, but WE weren't meant to be. Though, if you hadn't been writing me and I hadn't been praying whether or not to marry you, I may not have had the aforementioned experience. So thanks.)
In His time, God gives us the experiences we need to have faith. Christ is real. I am only human, and continue to make mistakes, but thanks to Christ, I can repent and be completely forgiven. As in, HE erases them from my personal history.
Now, as a mother, I hope to instill in my children a desire to know for themselves. I hope I can help the Young Women feel the desire to know, and if they already know, to have it reaffirmed in their hearts; cemented in.
